For somebody with social anxiety, intrusive thoughts can have a really negative impact on their confidence and self-esteem. In a Reddit thread that has gone viral and garnered more than 30,000 replies, people have started sharing their best advice on how to build self-confidence. Here are the most popular things they recommend doing:
Try working out
Exercise was cited by many as a factor in improving the way they felt about themselves. “Going to the gym helped me tremendously with my self confidence and depression,” wrote one commenter. Weightlifting in particular has helped me take control of my body and self image.” Another commenter said: “I ended up getting a personal trainer as well and it was the best thing I ever did. My social anxiety was too bad to try navigate the gym solo. Having a guide and someone to be accountable to really keeps the motivation in check, at least for me.”
Going to the gym might not seem like a great idea for a self-conscious person at first; the image of all those muscular people training can be an intimidating one. “I stuck my nose up at the gym for a long time. Thought it was only for jocks and vain people. And although many jocks go to the gym, as well as vain people, lots of average people too,” one commenter said. But they soon learned the psychological benefits of training: “Huge mood booster, forces yourself into uncomfortable situations, and in the end you look better… BUT. you have to prepare yourself for it, you need to ensure you have the energy levels (eat properly before and after you go, and stay hydrated throughout the day). Or else you will go and hate it while your there as well as after. And bring music.”
It’s not just that working out makes you look better, which makes you feel better: the regular disciplined routine and endorphin rush can actively help people who struggle with depression and anxiety. “Running to a point of endorphin release or deadlifting really heavy helps me,” said a commenter with depression. “After a good work out I don’t even have repetitive, intrusive thoughts.” However, they added: “The hard part is getting going to work out.”
Spend some quality time solo
Other advice in the thread included getting more comfortable with being by yourself. “Go to the movies alone,” suggested one comment. “Another time go out to eat alone at a restaurant that you are interested in. Do things like this regularly. It helps you be comfortable with making decisions and taking charge and it helps you be comfortable in your own skin regardless of who is around and who is looking… It forces you to be comfortable in public alone where you don’t have friends to take the focus of others around you.”
Do something that scares you
Don’t worry, you don’t have to take up sky-diving. Venturing outside your comfort zone can start with baby steps, like talking to somebody at a bar. “When you take steps outside your comfort zone, you teach yourself you can handle a lot more than you thought,” said one commenter. “It makes it easier to face your fear and do things you want to do, which gives you confidence.”
Another said they think the most important thing you can experience is the risk of rejection: “If this induces anxiety, then you can do it in a context where it doesn’t matter. It helps you build up a thicker skin.”
Put those idle hands to good use
Another comment recommended getting a constructive hobby: “Learning a new skill, then getting decently good at it such that people come to you for help. Mine is building/building repair for instance. I’m not a professional but I can think outside the box and that’s helpful/impressive to people who can’t. For me, it isn’t other people’s opinions that matter nearly as much as the feeling of being useful.”
Remember: You’re only human, and so is everybody else
Learning to let go of that obsession with what other people think about you was another common theme. “Just drill into your mind constantly that you are worthy, you are important, you are a perfectly valid human being who deserves to be happy and feel confident,” said one person. “Force yourself to accept that no one is better than you. They might be more successful, or attractive, or whatever, but they’re just a human, and you’re just a human. I use that baseline for every single interaction I have.”
Or, as another commenter put it: “Care about people but not what they think of you.” That said, it is still important to be kind and mindful in what we say and think about other people: for all we know, they’re going through exactly the same thing.
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