If you’ve ever dabbled in the art of composing a naughty text, you’re not alone (besides, ya know, being alone with your phone). According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, 87.8 per cent of American adults have sexted at least once in their lifetime and 82.2 per cent have texted X-rated content within the last year. *Paris Hilton voice* That’s hot.
Whether you’re a newbie who wants to learn how to sext your boyfriend or a seasoned pro who wants to surprise your partner with some new tricks, these sexting ideas will help you nail digital dirty talk.
1. Talk it out.
“For those who do enjoy [sexting] it can enhance their sexual communication and intimacy,” says Jane Greer, PhD, a relationship expert and author of What About Me?. But before you send anything, Greer suggests talking it out with your partner so they don’t accidentally open your sext during a work meeting and find themselves suddenly aroused. Cringe.
Instead, she wants you to set parameters for when and how a sexy text message is okay—before one of them backfires. Once you do, you can send all the sultry messages your libido desires.
2. Stay in your comfort zone.
When you send a sext, you automatically become a little vulnerable. So even though you’re going out of your way to tell your partner how hot you’re feeling, stay in your lane. Meaning, if you’ve never done BDSM before, you don’t need to become a virtual dominatrix overnight.
Greer assures there’s no need to “perform” when sexting—just be yourself. Hot tip: If you’re feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed about what you’re writing, stick to the things you’d happily say to your partner in the bedroom.
3. Start out slow.
“The whole essence of good sex is great foreplay, so good sexting should whet your appetite for what’s to come and spark your imagination about your next rendezvous,” explains Greer. You don’t need to be naughty from the jump, especially if you’ve got an unlimited data plan.
Instead, take your time building sexual tension. “[It] can make the interaction and anticipation even hotter,” says Rachel Needle, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida.
What to say: “I had a dream about you last night, and now can’t stop thinking about you. I want to feel your soft lips on mine.”
4. Be a little bit of a tease.
“You want them to have something to look forward to, so try to create some ambiguity and mystery,” says Needle. “They should need to use their imagination to fill in some blanks.”
What to say: “If only you could see what I’m wearing right now…it’s silky and goes up to the top of my thigh. Don’t mind the typos… I somehow am only able to type with one hand now.”
5. Give them something specific to look forward to.
Throughout the day, text your partner what you want to do to them—or, what you want them to do to you, suggests Levine. “At times, include a suggestive photo,” she says (more on that in a sec). “The anticipation of getting it on can be as exciting as doing the deed.”
Once you’ve got your partner all worked up, Needle suggests this sexting example to really heat things up:
What to say: “I’m at home naked, and all I want is you inside me. I want to greet you at the door, pull down your pants, and drop to my knees.”
6. Jog their memory.
“Tell him what got you totally turned on the last time you were together,” suggests Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. “Maybe it was the way he sensuously ran his hands through your hair. Or the way he swirled his tongue when he went down on you…”
What to say: “Remember that time you made me come twice in a row? I can’t stop thinking about it.”
7. Leave them hanging… just a little.
“Messages that beg to be responded to will keep the game escalating,” says Michele Lisenbury Christensen, a relationship and sex coach in Seattle. Try something like this:
What to say: “What would you do if I showed up at your door wearing nothing but a trench coat?”
8. Give plenty of feedback.
“Like what your partner is saying? Something stop you in your tracks? Tell them!” says Andy Duran of the Good Vibrations sexual health education department.
Sexts, according to Greer, are sent to ignite something in your partner, but remember, they can’t see you. Regardless of how turned on you might feel, you need to spell it out. Plus, positive reinforcement can be just the encouragement your sexting partner needs to keep it coming. (Pun intended!)
What to say: “Mmm, you’re driving me crazy. That just made me wet.”
9. Never underestimate the power of a sexy pic.
“Though some might go for full-on crotch shots when it comes to sexting pics, never underestimate the seductive power of a suggestive photo,” says Duran. Greer agrees: A shot of the underwear you’re planning on wearing later, or a pic of your lips, neck, or thigh can be enough to tempt and tease. After all, you wanna leave something to their imagination, right?
10. But leave your face out of it.
PSA: You can send really hot photos that don’t include any identifying characteristics, says Levine. Revenge porn shouldn’t—but does—happen, so no matter how much you trust your partner now, you still need to protect yourself. Staying anonymous is the best way to make sure your risqué text doesn’t put you at serious risk.
11. Sext on your terms—and your terms only.
Sexting isn’t for everyone, plain and simple. If you give it a try and realise you feel more uncomfortable than turned on, or your partner feels objectified and weirded out, reserve the sexiness for home, says Greer. In the end, what’s sexting but a little preview of the main event, anyway?
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health US.
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