Things you may have filed under don’t ask a friend over brunch: “What was your bowel movement like this morning?”, “When are you going to dump your boring boyfriend?”, and “What are your go-to moves for mind-blowing sex? I need helppp!”
But that last one is totally a shame. Because, even though talking about sex with your friends can be awkward or even flat-out unhelpful, some of the best sex tips and inspo can come from ladies who have been there, done that.
To help you tap into the intel of other women’s sexcapades, Women’s Health surveyed 81 real women, ages 22 to 51 to find out their advice for taking your sex life from meh to amazing. And they certainly delivered. Here are some of the best ideas on how to have better romps, more orgasms, and fabulous sexual experiences overall—from ladies who know what’s up.
COMMUNICATE ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE (AND DON’T LIKE)
“Communicate, communicate, communicate!”—Maire, 23
“Be honest about what you like without the fear of judgement, because nine times out of 10, your partner also has kinks, and when you’re honest, they open up too.”—Grace, 25
“Communicate with your partner about what you both need to do, or what it takes for both parties to orgasm.”—Stella, 26
TALK BEFORE SEX
“Speak up with your partner…always. Ask questions in non-sexy times.”—Stephanie, 32
“Have a conversation (while you’re not in the middle of or about to have sex) about sex and what you both enjoy and don’t enjoy.”—Louise, 23
TRY SLOWING THINGS DOWN
“Build a level of intimacy and connection before you get down to anything. And [spend] a decent chunk of time just kissing and [enjoying] foreplay. Why do some guys forget about f*cking foreplay?”—Grace, 25
“I need lots of foreplay and anticipation! It’s also important to communicate. Speak openly about what you like, don’t like, things you want to try, etc.”—Andrea, 25
“Go slow. Create a yes, no, or maybe list of things to try together, and then explore.”—Olive, 31
BE PRESENT AND INTO IT
“I need them to make me feel safe and to be 100 percent present in the moment with me. That can mean asking me how I’m doing, taking cues from my body, and asking me ‘is it okay if I do this?’ Also clitoral stimulation is KEY for me.”—Arielle, 27
“Focus on your partner more, pleasing others is the sexiest thing.”—Griffin, 29
CLIT ACTION IS A MUST
“Clit action, please!”—Marie, 23
“Let me touch myself.”—Annie, 25
“Stimulate my clitoris via manual clitoral massage or oral sex.”—Sadie, 47
GET UP IN ON THE NIPS
“Nipple play (suck, squeeze, hold).”—Rachel, 26
“Touch my nipples!”—Hazel, 23
DON’T BE SCARED OF SEX TOYS
“Try something new. We’re living and f*cking in a time where sex toy technology is peak level, take advantage of that shi*t.”—Danielle, 29
“Cock rings are life-altering.”—Lucy, 27
“Use a sex toy, with or without a partner! Sex toys are amazing for enhancing sexual pleasure, and can give you and your long-term partner something else to bond over.” —Kate, 23
“Use sex toys! And focus on the woman’s pleasure not just the man’s.”—Scarlett, 25
“Lube makes everything better + vibrators.”—Polly, 31
GO TO THE EDGE
“Edging!!!!!! Bring each other to the brink of orgasm, but don’t follow through, let the intensity and anticipation build.”—Kait, 22 (And here’s everything you you need to know about edging?)
“Don’t let me come and then I’ll come all at once after oral sex.”—Maya, 28
DON’T TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY
“Laugh during sex! With the weird sounds and uncomfortable positions, sex can be hilarious sometimes! So don’t take it too seriously, and try to laugh over that little, embarrassing queef you may let out in the middle of your sexy session.”—Kate, 23
“Have more fun and don’t be so uptight, sex is supposed to be about letting loose.”—Alice, 22
Note: Some quotes have been edited for clarity.
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health US.
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