Dear Coleen
Just over a year ago, I met a great woman – gorgeous, sexy and smart, and I fell hopelessly in love with her. I’d been divorced for four years when we met and hadn’t had any serious relationships in that time.
We saw each other morning, noon and night for the first few weeks and ended up getting married two months after meeting. I was very carried away by it all and totally blown away by her.
It quickly became apparent, though, what I’d let myself in for. She moved in with me and gave up her job to redecorate the house. She contributes nothing financially, which would be totally fine if she contributed in other ways like helping with my kids when they visit or helping to run the house, but she does neither.
Instead, she spends every day having coffee or lunch with her sisters and she never wants to socialise with me anymore, always going out to bars with her sisters or friends.
It’s as if now that we’re married and moved in she’s had a personality transplant and I feel like I barely know her. I still find her attractive and funny, and wish I knew of a way to make it work, but deep down I think I should probably leave her.
I’d love to hear your advice.
Coleen says
You hit the nail on the head when you said you feel like you barely know her.
You didn’t get to know her before you got married and that’s the root of the problem. You’re starting to get to know her now, warts and all, and you don’t like what you see.
Of course she doesn’t seem like the same person you dated during those first few weeks because it wasn’t real life – it was so thrilling and sexy, you were totally lost in it and probably couldn’t believe your luck, meaning the common sense bit of your brain went AWOL!
If you really want to have a stab at rescuing this relationship, then you have to make it very clear that you’re not happy. The pair of you will either have to try and work through the issues together and come up with solutions and compromises, or you go your separate ways.
I think you’ll soon find out if she’s in it for the long haul, or whether she just sees you as a meal ticket, which I’m sure has crossed your mind.
But tackle it now before you’re deeper into the relationship and it’s harder to leave.
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